She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
