Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
