im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
