New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
