I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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