Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
