He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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