no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
