did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
