But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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