I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
