Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
