My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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