The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
