i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
