Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
