Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
