Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
