put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
