Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
