i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
