I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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