Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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