im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
false alarm. still invincible.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
