there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
