Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
