you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
