I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
