Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
