did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
