Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
