Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
