i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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