Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
