he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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