YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
