She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
