i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
