I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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