Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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