Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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