just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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