so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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