I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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