do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
