if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the day after is always just damage control
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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