life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
That's intense
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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