somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
