Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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