Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
His hands were made for my vagina.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
