...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
