umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
